I try to be sensitive to the voice of God, and this week God told me to be the better person in a situation where most any other person would be bitter and resentful. Don’t get me wrong. I have not always been the bigger person in this ongoing drama which has stretched into many years, and to tell the truth probably 90 percent of the time I have been the bitter and resentful person. I do my best to hide my feelings as to not create a scene, and while I hide my feelings for the most part when I’m in the middle of the situation , unfortunately, my husband has to experience the aftermath after I’m away from the persons involved. It’s usually not pretty, and I can tell leaves him feeling helpless as he cannot make things better for me.
After about a month of staying mute about the latest episode in this never-ending soap opera I decided to be a bigger person and lend support to to the main person involved as it seemed there might be a real tragedy brewing. I had begun to feel guilty about my standoffish-ness. I reached out in hopes that my support might comfort the person and not instigate any of the inappropriate behavior that is the standard operating procedure of this person.
Not so…this person used my words of support to mean that I would be joyful about the situation they have found themselves in because of a lifetime pattern of bad behavior and downright manipulative behavior. Turns out there was not a true tragedy brewing just the usual manipulative behavior to get something they wanted from professionals and family.
While I think I handled the situation well and set some boundaries that needed to be set… by the time I went to bed last night my face was breaking out in hives, and I fully realized that I am not yet ready to deal with this situation even though I really have no choice but to face it. This situation involves family that I have to see and to continue loving as God tells me I need to do. It is just hard! I just can’t convey how hard it is for me. I continually see someone living a life of irresponsibility and immaturity leaving loved ones distressed in the wake of their selfish decisions, and this person seems to get blessed for it…meaning THE BIG BLESSING that I’ve never been given. Sometimes it feels like some sort of cruel joke that will never end.
This is a lie that I know that satan continually uses on me. I know this person is not happy, and that their blessings are really trials for them, but sometimes it’s hard for me to see.
God is stretching me farther than I ever thought I could be stretched, and it hurts, and frankly without His help there’s no way I can be the bigger person anymore, but I know that He promises us in scripture that we can do ALL THINGS through Him who strengthens us. I just have to hold onto that and repeat it like a mantra.