I’m not going to vomit my emotions all over this blog post. With Jesus’ help I’m trying to get a hold of my emotions and see them for what they are…fleeting feelings. I just sense things are weird right now. I’m kind of floating around and observing things and trying not give too much credence to my emotions. I’m fighting the intense desire to try and control everything and the compulsion to get my life’s ducks lined up in the neat little rows I want them to be. I’ve realized it’s an exercise in futility, because those little suckers always just end up waddling off in their own desired direction anyway!
The truth is…and I think I’ve said this before…I’m not in control. My head knows that, but I have a hard time getting it to sink deep into my soul. My soul fights for control like a child fights to keep a hold of his favorite toy. I get tired of fighting myself not to mention all the folks out there who continue to lob emotional hand grenades in my direction without even realizing it…bless their little hearts.
Right now I’m tempted to retreat into my own little world and build a razor wire fence around it, but that’s not realistic or even healthy.
So, I keep plugging along and asking God to give me strength to deal with all the weirdness in my life. That’s all I or anyone can do.