This morning, I wrote this Tweet on Twitter:
“Hopelessness is like a dense fog threatening to obstruct the view of anything good in life.”
Hopelessness is the hardest thing to deal with when you deal with long term childlessness.
It seems the more I try to move on the more other people remind me…even if they don’t realize it…of what I can’t do for them. That’s the maddening thing about childlessness…not only do you have to grieve for yourself you live with the reality that your inability to conceive children causes mountains of grief for other people.
Not the best recipe for a healthy self-esteem.
I desperately want to move on. I feel I’m capable of moving on for myself, but I can’t move on for others. I feel like doing so would be turning a deaf ear to their pain, and I just can’t ignore someone in pain. It’s not in my nature.
But on the other hand I can’t do anything to alleviate their pain so what’s the good in dwelling on it?
Classic Catch 22 situation…
God, please show me the good in all of this and how best to love those around me who are hurting because of what you have chosen for my/our lives.