I’m sitting here reflecting on the past year and contemplating the new one to come. 2009 certainly had its challenges, but it had it’s good points too. Now, with that said I would not say that 2009 was a good year. While, thankfully, hubby and I didn’t lose our jobs this year we saw many friends walk that path, and it wasn’t easy being a layoff “survivor”. Morale has been very low even though we all understood why the layoffs had to happen. Reorganization and missing old co-workers is a challenge and difficult for the “survivors”. Also in June my boss…who is also a good friend…decided after two years of turmoil in her position that it was time for her to voluntarily say goodbye. Because of her decision my job description underwent a massive redefinition since I had been my boss’s assistant as well as transcription coordinator…not to mention the many other duties that fell under the “other duties as assigned” label. The transition to a new boss, new roles as well retaining 90% of the other duties I had before was not easy and still is a work in progress. I not only have a new boss I also am sort of a “floating administrative assistant” meaning that I assist the folks who need me the most at any given time. That means I’ve had to learn to be all things to all people and anticipate the needs and deal with the communication styles (or lack thereof) of several different people. Not easy, but I have survived and am learning to live with a new normal…with the “normal” part changing daily.
Financially, things have not been that great. One of the cost-cutting measures at work was not to give raises this year. We’re trying to pay off debt, and when the cost of livng goes up and your salary doesn’t it’s hard to whittle away at that debt. It’s a challenge just to keep from going into more debt! While I love my job, and am constantly expanding my skill set my hourly wage in the past 10 years has only gone up around $2.00. That’s over the course of four job changes. At this time I feel like I’ve hit a professional “ceiling” so to speak when it comes to what I make. Eleven years ago I made a job change to increase my pay level. Looking back it was a good thing, because I did increase my pay level, but I had to endure some pretty crappy treatment by a terrible company for about two years. Fortunately, I then moved on to better things and eventually a 90% career change altogether, but again, I find myself at a dead end. Should I be looking at other options…taking more risk? I feel that I would be a good manager of projects, but I wouldn’t be a good manager of people. Finding that sweet spot between happiness, skill set vs. personality, and money is really a challenge. My husband is also dealing with similar career issues, although his are a little worse. He’s not happy with what he’s doing at all at the moment.
Then, like I’ve been whinning about the last several days, there’s the constant hole in my heart over children…the disappointment that just keeps on giving. It would be bad enough if it were just me, but again, I see the pain and suffering of those around me. I see my husband at his wit’s end in dealing with how this journey has changed me as well as trying to deal with the gaping hole in his life.
Sometimes it all seems like too much, and like it’s never going to change and it’s never going end. Things will change, I know. I look back at where I was on December 31, 1999 and my life is very different in 2009 even though some of the same issues plague me now as they did then.
So, I go into 2010 with with cautious optimism that maybe this coming year will be a time of renewal and a hope in our lives. Will there be challenges? Absolutely! Will there be good times? You betcha! I just pray that I/we will be able to move forward in many areas of our lives this year and learn to savor the good and make the least of all that’s not.