Random Thoughts on a Winter’s Day

I just read a great post by Holly who wrote about her struggle with infertility.   Sometimes I struggle with whether or not I have truly laid my desires before God like Hannah did in the temple.  I lay them down…then I pick them up…I lay them down…then I pick them up…ad infinitum.  No wonder I end up with a spiritual backache!

Winter is hitting hard in the Carolinas.  This is about the coldest, most wet, stormiest, iciest Winter I can remember in a long time.  We had a snow/sleet storm last weekend which dumped 4 inches of frozen mess.  It pretty much kept us housebound for the weekend.  It was good though.  I got my closets clean!  They are predicting more rainy/snowy/icy weather starting tomorrow night.  Well, we were long overdue for a hard winter.  The winters we have experienced since moving to Charlotte have been down-right Florida-like…well…maybe not exactly Florida-like…but definitely South-Georgia-like!

My hormones have been a mess.  I have come to the conclusion that I’m going to have to take progesterone pretty much everyday (per my doctor’s recommendation).  However, I don’t like the synthetic stuff.  It just doesn’t agree with me.  I requested the natural progesterone (Prometrium).  Imagine the sticker shock I got when I had to pay $110 for a 90-day supply through my mail-order outlet…which is SUPPOSED TO BE CHEAPER!  The reason it was $110 was because I had to meet a deductible this year (never had to before), but it’s still going to be $60.00 for a ninety-day supply.   It’s considered “top-tear” as there is no generic for it.  Hell0!!!!  Why isn’t there a generic for a naturally occurring hormone?!  The reason I asked for a script is because I could pay for it out of my FSA account.  I can order natural progesterone cream online without a prescription for around $20-30; however, I cannot pay for that out of my FSA.   I know my training and 14-year work experience was in medicine, but even with my experience it seems going through the hassle to save myself money usually only ends up costing me more!!!!  Ugh!

The pain of this year’s holidays is still lingering somewhat.  My hubby claims that he now hates Christmas because there is just too much hassle and drama between our pain of childlessness and trying to make our families happy.  So, the goal for 2010 is to somehow make the holidays less stressful; however, any plan we’ve come up with to this point seems like a Catch 22.  What we think will make us happy will only hurt our families…or at the very least cause misunderstandings which in turn will only cause us stress.  Oh well, we have around 7-1/2 months to come up with a workable plan.  I hope that will be enough time…

Well, enough of the randomness…time to do something productive.


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