Another Day…

Standard

Another “Real” day when the recurring problems raised their ugly heads yet again.

Another day where I feel like this “condition” is slowly but surely stripping away my life as well as my sanity.

Another day when someone doesn’t understand the stigma I’m under as a childless woman and how it’s shaped who I am.

Another day where I feel completely and utterly alone.

Another day where I feel like this thing has stolen my future.

Another day when it feels like a curse.

Another day where I feel that God’s promises only apply to those who were fortunate enough to have a functioning reproductive system.

Another day where the empty womb threatens ALL of my relationships.

Another day where I feel the only people who truly understand what I am going through are miles away and/or only available through the internet.

Another day where I’m afraid to reach out to anyone because I’m embarrassed and mad as hell that I’m in this dark place again.

Another day where I feel I’m misunderstood by everyone who knows me.

Another day where I have to plaster on a fake smile and say “I’m fine” when I’m really not.

Another day where I wonder if this pain will ever end.

This is just “another day” for a woman who has endured long-term childlessness.

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5 responses »

  1. I’m sorry you are going through this. Would fostering or adoption help fill this void you feel? I know it is not easy to foster a child or adopt a child but you had mentioned that you need something else to concentrate on besides infertility so perhaps that would be a good area to focus on and to put your time and energy into. You would do a good job.

  2. My good friend who is also 41 yrs old has been trying for many years to have a baby (IVF etc). She finally just recently became pregnant after a new doctor put her on the hormone DHEA. He says lots of his older patients have had success with this (it somehow seems to improve the quality of the few remaining eggs). I do not know your infertility history but I wanted to pass this on just in case it is info. you can use. Please don’t be upset if this is info. that can’t apply to you.

    I’m hoping you can have a child in your life even if it is not by birth (my previous comment). All the best to you.

  3. Thank you all for your kind comments. Further treatments, foster, adoption is not an option for us at the moment due to extenuating circumstances (mostly financial). It seems that childlessness is God’s will for us, but it is a difficult road. I’m doing my best to accept this, but there are days when it just feels all wrong. Today is better, and I know that dealing with this “condition” is a day-by-day process. There are days when I’m weak (like yesterday), and I get blatant reminders of what childlessness has done to me, my marriage, and my family.

  4. everything you just said… i feel. its beeen so long for you.. its been two years for me.. but i know it will never happen for me. i feel lost. i feel irrelevant. i feel worthless.

    and i feel irked when people say.. adoption.. fill this void.. do things to take your mind off it.. they forget that you walk around with a barren stamp on your forehead everyday. if god does not love me or trust me enough to experience motherhood… what chance do i have to love myself?

    i feel what you feel. and i am not going to say im sorry or it will be ok.. or there are things you can do to help make it better…because that will seem like i am belittling your pain.. like what most people do..that makes me hate myself..

    thankyou for writing that.. its nice to find friends online because in my real world.. i only see proud happy mothers who rule the hearts of everyone.

    • Hanisah,

      Thank you for your kind comments. It is difficult. Some days are fine, but like you said you walk around with a “barren” stamp on your head, and as much as you would like to run from it it’s always there. Hugs…glad you found me. I hate that we are in this situation together, but it helps knowing we’re not alone.

      God Bless…

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