Uh-oh, I want to write, but I have many topics swirling around my head at the moment, so I’m going to ride the wave of wandering thoughts. Maybe later I’ll write more extensively on some of the thoughts later if they decide to become cohesive.
- Since my husband is traveling for business more…which is 100% more than he was traveling last year…I have to spend up to two weeks at a time without my spouse. Other than our stint at a commuter marriage last year this is a relatively new experience for me. At first I revel in the, “He’s gone, so I can do anything I want when I want” euphoria, but several days in the euphoria wears off, and I just want him back home. Of course, I work full-time during the week so I cope pretty well during that time, but the weekends can be a HUGE challenge. Of course, I could schedule my weekend social calendar out the ying-yang, but I also need downtime for rest and energy renewal. My problem is I’ve never had to learn to be alone without being lonely. Many of us haven’t. Being Ms. Practical that I am I decided that Google might help me find some resources, and sure enough, I found some interesting and creative ideas about how to enjoy being alone. You really have to practice at it. Alone-ness is really not a popular concept in our culture which demands we always be connected to someone either face-to-face or through technology and social media. This video really spoke to me in it’s creative and artistic way:
- I had a woman at church come up to me after service last week and offer to pray for me. She said that she could sense that I was struggling with something. I was. It’s not been a good couple of weeks on the childless or relational front, and I found myself at church last Sunday in an a less-than-enthusiastic mood. I’m sure I was exuding a wee bit of a Debbie Downer vibe as, let’s face it, I can be a wee bit of a Debbie Downer at times (just ask my husband). Anyway, when you attend a charismatic church with high-energy worship and you sit on the pew like a bump on a log people notice. So, maybe this is how this person noticed, but no matter, I did need prayer, and I did want assurance that God is not going to leave me in depression forever; so he sent this sweet little lady to pray with me. Even though I go to a charismatic church it’s a megachurch and having people pray over you personally is not the norm, at least in my nearly decade of experience there. I did tell her exactly what I was feeling, and how I struggle with depression over childlessness and the effect it’s had on my relationships and family. Her response (loosely quoted) was, “I’m a mom, and I can’t say I know exactly how you feel, but I’ve struggled with situational depression, so I can relate on that level.” She then said the sweetest, most thoughtful prayer I’ve ever had some pray over me. Very uplifting and encouraging.
- Speaking of depression…while I’ve known for I while I suffer from it (along with anxiety), but I’ve never really owned it. Last weekend I watched the movie, Girl Interrupted, and while I’ve never been depressed enough that I thought I needed hospitalization (others in my life might disagree) I could really relate to the main character of the film (the film was based on her real-life experience in a mental institution). It made me want to learn more about depression and how it affects the sufferer and those who love them. I found a book called Is It Weird in Here or is it Just Me?written by a depressed man while he was in a mental institution. While I take comfort in the fact that I don’t think my depression is severe I also find it sobering that I can completely understand how he feels in his depression, and how even though you know your thoughts and feelings can oftentimes be irrational and lie to you your emotions can sometimes take complete control and have an epic battle with your logical thought. Still reading it, but I can already say that it’s a good read especially for folks who have loved ones who are depressed and don’t understand why they can’t just snap out of it.
- Planning a weekend getaway for early May with my husband, and I think it’s going to ROCK as long as the weather cooperates. I’ll definitely write about that experience one way or the other. Traveling is always good therapy for me even when I have to fight off the anxiety monsters who want to keep me miserable on trips sometimes.
I think that’s about it for the moment.