A Word of Prayer With Myself

Standard

It’s the week that most childless women dread the most, the week many of us call “hell week”…the week leading up to Mother’s Day.   For years I joined in with the collective pity party of the non-moms, and while there’s a solidarity, an us-against-the-fertile-world feeling there’s not any real comfort in it, and honestly, it’s never made me feel better about the day

Mother’s Day is not really what I want to address  in this post though.  I’ve had to come to some very harsh realizations lately based on some circumstances and relational issues.  So, when I say what I say below please note I’m talking more to myself than anyone out there.  I just hope that, maybe, as an infertility/childless veteran I can spare someone  the same pitfalls I’ve experienced.

Are you ready?  Are you sure?  Here comes the sage advice from nearly 20 years of chidlessness….

Just get over it.

Is that a collective gasp I hear throughout the childless blogosphere?  Will I wake up to comments of outrage  in my inbox in the morning?  Maybe, but hear me out.  Again, this is me having a word of prayer with myself.

How many more years are you going to spend pining away for that child you’ll most likely never have?  How many more times will you let that non-existent child keep you from happiness?  God gave you one life to live, and while you’d like to march right up to His throne, stomp your foot, and demand an explanation for why He didn’t give you children that’s not going to happen.  So, the best thing you can do is trust His sovereignty and hand him all the mess and pain and tell Him he can have it.  (Disclaimer) If you don’t believe in God then give it back to the universe, mother nature, or whatever entity you believe controls everything.  If you believe in nothing then it’s all a moot point anyway, and so you better get over it and live this life to the fullest, right, because when it’s over it’s over.

Really, what good are you doing to yourself by dragging it with you like the proverbial ball or chain?  Quit waking up in the morning and putting on your garment of pain and self pity.  Honestly, it’s not attractive.  It’s a heavy, moth-eaten old garment of mourning.  It’s made of scratchy wool; it stinks; it weighs you down so get rid of it.  You’ve grieved long enough.  Even in the olden days the period of grief when a loved one died was usually one year.  While your grief is different it’s still grief.  You’ve been mired down in it for years, and it’s time to snap out of it.  Get help to snap out of it  if you need it.

I’ve come to another big realization…your family/friends don’t understand.   They really don’t, and that’s why they sometimes/many times they come off as aloof and uncaring.  They don’t know how you feel (unless they’ve been there themselves), and what they want is you and not this constant grief and sadness you emit.  This is particularly true with your spouse.  If you’re relatively new to this path your spouse may be very understanding.  They may go out of their way to do things to make you happy.  You know the worst thing you can do when they’re trying to make you happy?  Not be happy.  I’m sure your spouse is wonderful, but after years and years of trying to pick you up out of the mire they will eventually run out of emotional resources to continue.  They are dealing with this too, and you are doing them no favors by constantly wanting them to wallow in the mire with you.  Heck, some of them will eventually pack their bags and leave… if not physically then emotionally and intimately.  Don’t let that happen to you.

I wish I could say that there is some magical formula to make this happen.  There’s not.  It’s really making up your mind and determining in your heart that it’s time.  This may be a place you come to on your own, or like me, circumstances may drive you there.  I do, however, have a few ideas on changing your mindset.

  • Appreciate each day.  Wake up and instead of putting on that horrible garment of pain put on some light comfortable garments of gratitude and think about what’s good in your life.  Even if you’re not where you’d like to be there is something good going on in your life.  Think about that  instead of the negative things.
  • Appreciate what childlessness gives you.  If I’d had children when I wanted to I’d be dealing with teenage angst and college tuition bills.  I will never have to deal with either.  I have more disposable income, and I am free to change the direction of my career or even my address without the added stress of, “How will this affect the children?”  Face it, I have more freedom even if I would’ve given up that freedom gladly for children.  I might as well enjoy the freedom because I have it.
  • Plan a kick-butt vacation even if it’s a mini-one like we did last weekend.  We spent two nights in a B&B and did a bike trip down the Virginia Creeper Trail in Damascus, Virginia.  It didn’t cost too much, and we made some awesome memories.  Even if you can’t afford a couple of days take a short day trip near your own backyard.  As Ellie in up said, “Adventure is out there!”  You just have to get  your depressed, lazy butt up off the couch and find it.
  • Start dreaming again.  This is something I am actively having to work on.  It doesn’t come easy for me because my dreams stopped when I realized that children weren’t coming.  It was easier not to dream anymore and avoid any further pain.  What I am realizing is that by not dreaming I was causing myself more pain in the long run.

Again, this is a very blunt and direct post and a trip to the woodshed for myself, but sometimes instead of patting each other on the back and saying “there, there” sometimes we need to give each other and ourselves a swift kick in the bum.

So, consider this the swift kick we all need.

 

 

Advertisements

45 responses »

  1. Vicki,
    No kick of any kind. Please gentle with your kind wounded heart. This ” stuff ” comes and goes, imho, and setting oneself up as fixed/over it/gone past/whatever you want to call it only makes the next time life quite unexpectedly hits us in our CNBC kneecaps with a baseball bat that much more difficult. Just sayin’.

    • Yes…I know this is not over by any sense of the imagination but to preserve some of my most dear relationships and my sanity I have to make some changes in how I deal with it. I know I’m going to get the kicks and this will hurt the rest of my life but I can choose how I deal with it. Letting anxiety and depression have the upper hand is not working for me and my loved ones. So, personally, I have to make some changes.

  2. Vicki, This is great! Sounds like me 8 years ago. This is similar to what I started doing and I am so much happier now. It doesn’t happen over night, but you are going in the right direction. You are right, we only are given one life, so we might as well make the most of it. Love and hugs coming your way. (P.S. I read it to DH and he liked it too.)

  3. First of all thank you for these words. I keep telling myself that I am in control of my own happiness. I remind myself of all the blessings I do have in my life. Basically I tell myself a lot of things to keep me going. LOL Of course this being hell week and all……my work had gone right out the window. Thanks for the swift kick. I needed it!!!

  4. It’s an interesting thing to contemplate. We can control our perceptions, our attitudes, and how we react. But those of us who are just starting the path are dealing with rawer emotions. I think overall we should be a gentle with ourselves as possible. When I read you post, all I could think to myself was “will I kick myself tomorrow for the way I react to certain situations today?” They say when a person loses a significant amount of weight that they often feel a certain amount of frustration or shame because they realize that they could have done something sooner. I don’t want to feel that way about myself, but on the same token, I’m not ready to count the blessings of clhildlessness. I’d trade them if I could, and some of the ones you listed don’t exist for me. I don’t have children of my own, yet I’m dealing with the stress of living with a teen because I’m a stepmom. There is no money to take a trip. Etc., etc. I think it all depends on your path and where you happen to be on it. But we need to take the time to appreciate what we can and find the joys along the way. I’m in no means ready to “get over it”, but since I’ve stopped the insanity of TTC and made a decision I am more at peace. We need to appreciate where we are and what we have and accept ourselves for who we are in the moment.

    • Yes, I totally understand how different situations present different challenges. That is why I disclaimer-ed it to be mostly towards myself. As I stated in a reply to another comment. I know I will never be completely over it. There are days when it’s still going to sting; however, I have been dealing with my reactions and behaviors that I am now seeing haven’t been so healthy for me and for those closest to me. Sure, there will be guilt over not getting it together sooner, but I’ve also come to the realization that it does no good to regret the past. It just bogs you down. The only thing you can do with the past is learn from it and try to do things better now.

      Again, every person’s situation is different. Everyone is at a different point on their journey, and everyone’s relationships are different. I’m presenting this from my unique point of view. The reason I shared it is so I can look back on this time when I came to these conclusions. I don’t expect the comprehensive approach to work for everyone, but I do hope others can glean a few bits of insight they can apply to their own situation.

      Blessings…

  5. Is it okay that I think its easier to hear this coming from someone who has “been there, done that” vs. someone who just doesn’t understand my grief (like my mom, family, friends)?

    Mother’s day still stings for me. So while I wish I can get over it and appreciate my family of 2 status, I’m not yet at peace with being a permanent family of 2. But I will endeavor to not be stuck in my grief.

      • I like your comment that we are all at different points in our journey. I went through so many different feelings, especially grief, about being childless, but I think it is easier to accept when others around you accept your situation. I am at the point in my journey that I am thankful for the life that God has given me.

  6. thanks for sharing your personal journey–it helped me and my husband who have just decided this week to accept our family of 2 and move forward. it is difficult but we are tired of trying, tired of having hope and having it taken away after each failed iui/ivf procedure. enough is enough finally for us and there’s a part of me that sort of feels like a weight has been lifted. i feel as if i am no longer in limbo. life is good and we all have a purpose. infertility has a way of making you feel like becoming a mother is all that matters and that is all that you are good for and if you are childless then you are a failure. i am slowly moving forward and rediscovering that i do matter and that perhaps my purpose is meant for other things of equal greatness.
    its a journey for sure and everyone has their own perspective–thank you for sharing–it made a difference to me and helped me to take another step closer to enjoying life again. thank you

  7. I don’t feel pain at being sans child, I feel delight. I feel very lucky to be without children, considering how miserable my childed friends seem to be most of the time. Always worrying about the kid or enough money to take care of the kid. No thanks.

    Everyday is like Mother’s Day to those of us without children.

  8. Okay, so your “swift kick” was NOT what I expected and I am new to your blog and could not wait to see what you would write to get us all through this day. For me on Friday as one of my coworkers just had a visit from her new grandson and daughters in the office, she said “Happy Mothers Day to all of you who are Mothers…” I didn’t cry. This weekend me and my hubby went to our local malls Sat & Sun and stayed the whole day. While we were in that famous retailer whos’ name begins with an “M” the sales clerk asked loudly “Are you a Mother?!” I guess to confirm before she wished “Happy Mothers’ Day” I had to say no and me and my hubby just put our heads down because she then just had stone silence. I thought about complaining but I remembered when I worked retail how customers complained about everything but it hurt. Anyway, I was so looking forward to your advice and yes I think you didn’t address the elephant in the room ESPECIALLY on this day. We needed you so much. But, you always have great advice all the other days and I’m sorry, I don’t need a “kick” when I’m already down.

  9. In my opinion, you never “get over it”. Do you learn to move on? Yes. Do you learn to compensate for your deep-seated feelings of loss? Yes. Can you be fulfilled and happy? Yes. But you never “get over it”. Just like you never get over the loss of a family member or close friend passing away. Just like you never get over the experience of fighting cancer even if you’re now in remission. You can, however, make sure that infertility does not control and/or define your life.

  10. Hi,

    My name is Knoll Maria and I am a graduate student at Bar-Ilan University Information Science Department in Israel. For my final project, I am examining anonymity and self-disclosure in infertility blogs. The target population of the study are women bloggers who were or are going through infertility treatments and also blog about their experience. I am kindly inviting you to participate in this research study by completing the attached survey.

    The following questionnaire will require approximately 5 minutes to complete. Your response is very important to me. Your informed consent to participate in this survey is assumed by completing the survey and by submitting it. Participation is strictly voluntary and you may refuse to participate at any time. A copy of the results will be sent to you, if you choose so.

    Thank you for taking the time to assist me in my educational endeavors. If you require additional information or have questions, please contact by email.
    Click here to fill out the survey: https://docs.google.com/spreadsheet/viewform?formkey=dHY0SC1wT0lHeEFqOGdZN3pXT3p3aHc6MQ

  11. I am new to your blog, but I appreciate this post. It is quite timely for me. Although I don’t know, like one of the other responders, if you ever completely get over “it”, I do believe you need to press on and find purpose and significance in your life. Fruitfulness in life is not limited to giving birth, we all have a purpose and finding it and seeing it throught to fruition I believe can bring great satisfaction. Here is a book you might be interested in reading along these lines: Sarah’s Daughters, Fertility and Fruitfulness from a Biblical Perspective by Tresmaine R. Grimes, PHD. Thanks again for sharing your heart its comforting to know others struggle with similar issues.

  12. I didn’t expect this when I googled “43 and childless” but that is okay. I haven’t searched for relief in google for the pain, emptyness and confusion which comes from being childless in a long time and I don’t know why I did today…it’s october now…no where near Mother’s day but I’m blessed to read your blog. I have been coming to a place of accepting that I don’t have to mourn this all my life …it’s true that the bible says that the barren womb is one of the things that is never satisfied so I know God understands the longing of my heart…but I don’t want to be changed into a person who has a deep dark hole always crying out within her. Yes, I wanted to have children but as of 3 years ago, I was simply longing for a husband and God has given me that …something I am grateful for and I want my general life’s attitude to reflect that gratitude. I’m a Christian and I don’t understand why God chose me to walk this road but I’m trying to trust Him with it and that means trust Him when it hurts but also live the life He’s given me …not live waiting for the life that may never come. Thank you!

  13. Hello Vicki and thank you for your post. I’m 37 years-old childless woman and tomorrow is Mother’s Day in my country. It’s hard to listen to other women say Happy Mother’s Day to each other and comment on what probably their kids/husbands will do for them on said day. Every year is a bit of a hell for me because people constantly ask me if I have children and if not when? And when they hear how old I am they drop it and give me a sad look. Yeah, I know, don’t wallow in self pity. But your post has come across as something refreshing for me. I will do my best to live my life just as it is and start letting go of pains and regrets. Thank you again.

  14. I am so tired of being depressed over being childless. I just want to wake up and be happy to be alive, instead of waking up and thinking “oh god, not another day”. I want this feeling of emptiness and worthlessness to go away. I’m 45 years old, and lately the feeling of emptiness and feeling lonely, even though I’m married to a wonderful man, won’t go away. I actually cry sometimes when I wake up, because I woke up. I think of the children I didn’t have, the grand children that those children would’ve given me… The full house at holidays… And I wake up to … this.

  15. I burst into tears when I read the line about your friends and family not understanding… appearing aloof and uncaring. Mine is not on of infertility but lack of opportunity. There is no husband and never has been. Regardless of my story, the message is one I’ve been working on for the last two years. It’s a constant struggle to “just get over it.” But I breathe into and through it every moment of every day. I hope all of us who share this feeling are able to heal.

  16. Vickie, I have to say reading your post hit home. It brought tears to my eyes because for the first time in 14 years I felt like I wasn’t the only one feeling this way. For 14 years I have walked around with this shame. I avoid baby showers, conversation about children and mothers day. Mothers day is the worst. I am a stepmother of two. They were 5 and 7 when my husband and I got married. They lived with us and now they are grown and doing their own things. My husband, bless his heart always tried buying me mothers day gifts. After awhile I had to explain to him that I appreciated it but I just didn’t feel like a mother. Of course he feels since I helped raise my step that qualifies me as a mother. But I beg to differ. Don’t get me wrong I love my step-kids and would do anything for them but they have a mother. Now that I have done everything medically I can do over the last 14 years I am at the end of my rope. I manage to always keep myself together until I get home. Home is where I fall apart. But since I have been dealing with this for 14 years my husband thinks it is time to move on. He is fine with it just being us and I understand that. He has moved on but I am still stuck in baby mode. I have agreed to never talk about having a baby with him again. He does not understand why I can not move on. I tried explaining to him that he has children he has experienced it all, I am the one still stuck in limbo wondering why God has chosen this path for me. We have to agree to disagree. So I live in silence, I keep my feeling to myself and every day I wonder why me!

    • It’s good to know that we aren’t alone.
      Right now I’m at a good place in my life, and the emptiness of being childless isn’t as overwhelming as it has been in the past.

      Being women who can’t have children, we have to re define our role in life, and that is no easy task. I know it’s no substitute, but having a dog helps… She is an outlet for the mothering affection that I feel the need to give. Let me tell ya, she is one spoiled and lucky dog!
      My husband doesn’t really understand… he has never had kids and has never wanted them. I gave up on trying to make him see my point of view.
      These are the cards that life has dealt me, and I’m going to make myself a winning hand 🙂

      • That’s the spirit! I know everyone who comments here is in a different place, but the healthiest place to eventually get to is a place where you take the hand that you’ve been dealt and make the best of it. Sounds like you’re there!

    • Stop asking God “why you?”… God has good plans for each of us, remember that. I once feel that way, but it doesn’t help me. I think its best for us to be thankful for the people or things that we have. You are blessed having those two kids and a loving husband who’s been there for you all throughout. Its nice that your husband appreciate you. You must be doing great in taking care of and loving the kids even you’re not their biological mother. Im childless for almost 2 yrs now, yes its just a short period of time. But knowing that my tubes and ovaries weren’t there anymore, there is really no chance for me to bear a child. Just praying that we can adopt a child to experience as well to become parents. Think that you are not alone, its not an easy thing to do, YES.. Just think of the people surrounding you, at least you have a family to be called. God bless you!

    • I know the feeling. I have two ‘step sons’ but they were in high school when I met them, so I am sort of a stranger to them still. I went thru years of the pain of being childless. I work at a hospital, and the floor I worked on then was physical rehab. The main topic was children from my co workers, and ‘thank god I have children’ from the patients…..I felt I had flunked life. I felt so deeply deficient I barely spoke. My coworkers often asked what I “did with myself”…….I found the tone deeply hurtful and condescending, which was maybe my own pathology, but I found myself making up fun things to tell them to mask the pain. I ended up calling them “the mom’s club” and I knew I was in no way a member. It was so painful. I married late and my husband could no longer have kids, nor wanted to start over. I thought I was ok with it, but I wasn’t. I had a bottom drawer filled with kids cloths I had bought over the years, for the child I would one day have……. I found myself wandering in the kids department during holidays like a zombie…I finally started to buy some of the toys and give them to toys for tots. That helped. I did not know who to talk to about it as my friends all had kids too. I found that I did better with my friends one on one, as any type of gathering, and the conversation turned to kids again, theirs, and I would fall back into my dark hole. I felt like I just glowed with the aura of ‘flunked life’………I searched and searched, and found another person on line who told me about a woman named Siljoy. She specializes in childlessness. I called after another even deeper bout of sadness. She gives a free hour to see if it is a good fit. It was. She helped me soooooo much. OMG, I don’t think I would have any of the joy I have now with out her. She led me out of my dark place. I am grateful to this day….If you put the name Siljoy into a search engine she will come up. That is how I found her. She is childless too, so I felt I could open up to her in a big way. Like I said in another reply that I can not find now….I had been to other counselors, but they did not help at all. Setting my money on fire would do the same thing……Siljoy works in a really different way, so it started to help me right away. I have to say I could feel a step forward on the first session. I do not mean to be a walking advertisement for any one here, but she helped me and I am so glad the gal gave me her name. I would not be kind if I did not share this information, as it truly did help me. The mom’s club still rages but I am now so much better I surprise even myself.

    • Oh, Dionne, I am so sorry. I, too, am a step-mom. Our infertility is with my husband, and that creates, in me, even more resentment. At church today, they brought all the parents and children up to pray for the kids, my husband wasn’t with me, I felt so alone, and as I looked around, my eyes began to well up with tears. I managed to hold them back, and pray for them as well, but soon after I headed to the restroom and I bawled. Then later today, I asked my husband if his daughter had found her lost cell phone. After he told me she had to get a new one, my next question was “Why didn’t she or he think about putting MY number in her phone ?” Or letting me know at all… I always feel like the outsider, and it hurts. He doesn’t get my anger. She’s a child, so in the grand scheme, I’m not that important to her either. He also hates always talking about it. I have my good weeks and not so good ones. I see a pregnant belly and the tears start. Baby showers are very painful. I’m sad and hurting… you are not alone. Just wish there was NO desire for kids so it wouldn’t hurt so much.

  17. I don’t like this article at all. It offered absolutely no help at all. I think if you really want to be a parent and it doesn’t happen, a part of you is always sad and unfulfilled. “Getting over it” is not helpful, otherwise I would be ok and I’m not.

    • Blain I understand, and you are right telling yourself to get over it does not help. But you tell yourself that anyway because you don’t know what else to do. And you are right the emptiness and sadness is still there. But you start to look for anything to make the pain go away. Believe me there have been times I tried to convince myself that I never wanted children, even though I know that is far from the truth. But you try to rationalize everything to make the pain and emptiness go away.

  18. Thank you, thank you, thank you. This has been a painful week, deciding to stop fertility treatments, and this is what I needed to hear.

    • Shana,

      Lifting a prayer for you, Shana. I have been there. Just a remember that while you need to give yourself pep talks that healing is a process. I took me a long time to get where I am now, and if you allow God to heal you will get to the place you need to be.

  19. Pingback: It’s Been A While… | A Woman Without Children

  20. Hi again, and thanks again….reading the comments here really makes me feel better. There is so much courage and faith. Yes, I’m opening up to God healing me . It’s as if I’m climging out of a dark hole-like a grave and saying yes to whtever God has in store for me. We all have to find whtever it is that we are here to do and do it. When I’m busy at my art I feel fine. Its just those times when one sees others with their children when I feel as if I am not part of the human race, or dead and watching from above. Then I get busy again and feel valid and connected to God and the Universe I sometimes wonder if anyone else can understand this.

    • I totaly understand what you are saying. That is what helped in my healing. Looking at the larger picture and our universal connectedness. Art helps me too. I was in such a dark lonely place. I finally found a life coach who deals with childlessness. She helped me to feel my connection to the universe. I had isolated myself even from that. Once I was able to see that under my grief of being childless,( to my surprise) was many other levels and issues of fear and comparing myself with others……like an onion, many many layers upon layers of feelings and doubts, I began to heal . I feel my connection to the universe on a deeper level now. We were not suppose to come into this life to have it go smoothly. What would we learn from that?? We are in school down here, and learning life lessons. We must be learning a biggie, as this is a big BIG painful one with little support . I remember as a child, wondering what happened to the poor women in the Bible who were tossed out for being barren. Where did they go? who stayed their friends? did they go to a lonely tent in the desert? were they allowed water?…..Now we know how painful a journey they had. We still get water and fool and a place to live and work. I now feel that joy is for those who seek to really learn the ways of the universe.

  21. Finally I found this site. I just had my ovaries and tubes removed first week of this month. It was unexpected… We’ve been married for 1 1/2 yrs, childless… Its painful and I feel like im grieving. We can never have the family we’ve dreamed of. But we’re hoping we can adopt a child. Please pray for me, for us to be able to get through this. To move forward.

    • Hi Carla,

      I’m so sorry for your loss. I will pray for you. Be gentle with yourself and allow yourself to grieve. You have a wonderful future before you. Allow God to make it happen

      Love…

  22. Thanks a lot! Pls do pray for me. 🙂 Really appreciate this site, more to learn and more loving people like you. God bless you.

  23. I don’t feel so alone with this sadness anymore.
    Sorry to all the grieving women who missed out on the most natural thing in life one could ever want .
    Mine was not due to infertility in myself but due to the fact that I kept picking the wrong men! Then when I finally married the right one at age 45 He had 3 children and a vasectomy and didn’t want more.
    Said he did at first but then things changed. Even though he is a wonderful guy in so many ways. I still, over five years later feel so much hurt and resentment over this.
    I go for a while feeling fine and then out of the blue it comes over me stronger than ever . Being a stepparent has not been easy. A thankless job in itself. Not to mention my husband works away all week and then when he is home spends all the time with his 10 year old son.
    Luckily I have my four Labradors;) they are my heart and soul . My true family.
    I have the Mother and the Father who had a litter of eight! Where I kept two !
    I dread the days when they leave me eventually to old age.
    I have so much to be thankful for and wish I could finally lay my feelings of hurt and sadness to rest.
    Life can be so unfair sometimes.
    Keep the faith ladies and anyone who can adopt .. Just do it . You can love the same I do believe. Save the life of an unwanted child.
    Blessings to all.
    Thank you for reading my post .
    Katie xo

  24. I’m going to jump on here with a small info piece. I’m approaching 64 y/o in July. I have also been barren & had to have a total hysterectomy due to Endometreosis. That was at age 33. That def. ended the possibility of children. However there was adoption. It never happened & later we divorced. The years have come & gone with much heartache; but since I have trusted by grace thru faith for Jesus Christ to be my Savior & Lord, HE fulfilled all my needs!!! Oh yes, I have asked ” why Lord”?!! But I KNOW HE has His reasons for leaving me childless AND I am comforted in His peace. I find JOY in HIM that I was not meant to have my own kids; but HE gives me many opportunities to help others who cannot bear children. This bonds people to know they are SOMEBODY that my Lord loves in spite of no children. Some are not meant for parenthood; some are not called to be married. Trusting in a Holy God is Thee source of JOY in this world. I pray others will find this joy. Thanks for listening. PS: I do still have the ( motherly feelings). I notice it with my two loveable cats!! The way I hold them, play with them. ” it’s there”! I recognize it but it no longer hurts!! I thank God for His wisdom in not giving me children!! It’s okay !!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s