My name is Vicki and I live in Charlotte, NC with my husband  and five spoiled rotten cats.  God has chosen not to give us children (due to my polycystic ovarian syndrome and hormonal disorders), and while it’s been the most challenging thing I’ve faced in life so far I know that God has a great plan for my life, and will use even childlessness for my good somehow, someway!

With that said I’ve not “arrived” yet, and know I won’t arrive until I walk through the Pearly Gates.  Until then I’m striving to live my life with purpose and authenticity all for the furthering of God’s master plan!

Advertisements

25 responses »

  1. Hi Vicki!

    I also live in Charlotte, NC (well actually Matthews) and although I have not lost all hope, being 41 I am beginnng to realize that I may be forced to accept being childless. From your posts, it sounds like you are a Christian. I am, too.

    Email when you have a chance…maybe we could meet for mutual support.

    • I have lived alone for the longest time and enjoy my work a lot. I see bad futures for kids that grow up feeling displaced because their Mom or Dad decides to re marry and have more kids! My boat is much better-no ex hubby and bitter kids from other families in my life to worry about rocking the boat or sinking.

  2. Hi Vicki! I read your post re: “Pity Parties” -‘specially ’round this time of year. Ughhhh! But I had to read your little bio….
    glad I stopped by.

    I’m in Atlanta – will be 3 years now – and without kids a wife needs to find an occupation, so my hubbie & I started a furniture restoration business at our home. Things for a while weren’t bad. Lots to do. This year however, has been pretty bad. But we’ve got lots of hope, still.

    Been married for quite a number of years and every Christmas has been a bit of a downer – but this year – and after menopause, has REALLY been low keyed. You go thru the holidays looking at the same TV flicks…and avoid those with little children, if at all possible. This year (the first time!) we avoided the malls – finances were low, so that wasn’t tough – plus we got thru it all by reviewing a few religious movies.

    One in particular was an oldie call “The Greatest Story Ever Told”. I particularly appreciate the line in the movie – coming direct from the Bible – when Jesus (as he’s being hauled to his death) says to a group of females, ” Don’t cry for me….for there are days coming when it will be considered BLESSED not to have borne a child…..” LUKE 23:27

    I thought I’d share this, since many here seem to be Christians and possibly NOW we are living those times Jesus warned us about. It may be little consolation; but it has helped me thru many a dark day.

  3. Hi Norma,

    I’m glad you found me, and while I never rejoice that someone is in the same place I am I’m glad you found me. I have moved to another site. http://www.awomanwithoutchildren.blogspot.com/ So, please be sure to visit me there.

    I’m glad you found a way to make the holidays more bearable, and let me be the first to say that without the Lord I don’t know how I would’ve made it this far. Blessings!

  4. Hi, Norma,

    I am glad I found your blog….I am forty and still without children……yet we are still trying…….yes it takes the Lord to get through everything that we have already been through…….and will go through…….thanks for your blog…..it has been a comfort to me knowing that I am not alone.

    Charlotte

  5. Hi Vicki,

    For the longest time I thought about looking for other women like me who couldn’t have children. See, I used to have a group of girlfriends who were all like me, childless. Luckily for them, sad for me, they all have children now. Some from treatments and others from sheer luck. So now I am the only girl in the group without children and it sucks big time!! No one can go out any more, at least not without their children. Conversations, schedules, holidays, weekends, vacations, and even phone calls are about their children.

    Thank you for your blog, at least I can have another person in the world who understands me.

  6. hi vicki

    me from dubai…. thnks for ur blog and im a childless women too… its so frustarted… i really dont knw how to take this….

  7. Vicki,

    Thank you for your honesty, for sharing your life with all of us, and for having a blog that I could find on a dark day just by typing in ‘women without children.’

    I am tired of my pity party about lacking kids, and tired of feeling like there is some bigger, greater plan for my life. The truth is…if God wanted me to have them, I would. If He had some bigger expectation from me, He’d let me know! He’s big like that…

    Sometimes writing to a person that you know would understand makes you feel better. Thanks for being that person.

    Your Friend,
    Wendy

  8. Accept it and move on. See it as an opportunity to get closer to your husband and pursue your shared goals as a couple and/or your own personal goals. Nurture yourself and those around you. You create the love in your life. Thank you, God, for giving.

  9. Hi VIcki,

    I live in Hickory, NC, and this year has been the hardest year of depression for me being childless. I’m 45 and seriously thought I was over it, but the depression this year has been overwhelming.

  10. Hello Vicki, I just found your blog. You have given me the best advice I have gotten from anyone. Thank you for sharing your experience. I am trying to deal with it by being grateful every day Lovely husband, nice house, good interests but devastatingly no baby to carry on for me, to teach values and pass on cultural heritage to, to feel that someone will live after me. I devote my creative energy to gardening and artwork.I try not to think about it but it’s like a shadow behind that follows. I felt better reading your kick-ass recommendations and I’m actually going to print them out & post somewhere. You’re a friend ! 🙂 Ava

  11. Just stumbled across your blog today and want you to know that you are far from alone. Thank you for sharing your life and your ups and downs regarding not having children. I have a wonderful husband and a job that I love but the hardest part of everything is that he has custody of his two boys from his ex-wife. The boys were teens already by the time I came along and they have little to do with me. I often feel so alone and left out, almost as if I am being punished for something. Again, I cannot thank you enough for sharing your thoughts, feelings and experiences with us. ❤

  12. So glad to have found this site. I sure know the feelings posted here. Wish I had found it years ago. I felt so alone . I am happy to feel I have found my sisterhood at last. I will post more soon.

  13. I found someone who gets it. What a gift. There are so many similarities that resonate with me. Thank you for calling us, “families of two.” Thank you for sharing about your loneliness and anxiety challenges. Thank you for expressing how isolating it feels to be part of the church family, but not be valued necessarily as a “family.” Thank you for mentioning how bearing children is extremely elevated. I have questions…maybe you have time for answers?
    — How do you move with purpose/intention/motivation? I too have days (weekends/holidays) of loneliness. Unlike you, I struggle to find motivation to work around my house. Why clean today, when I can clean tomorrow? Why run that errand now? I can do it later? Why get out of bed now? I can do that later too. Sometimes I feel as though (to borrow the term) I am “chasing away boredom” when I move toward activities I enjoy.
    — Is there an answer to meeting needs of kidless families in the church? I was so lonely and trying so hard to connect in the church. We finally started our own small group. It attracted more young marrieds than intended, even though we carefully worded the description. People read past that and expected it to be for young marrieds.
    — I am divided in how to construct my use of time. I used to be full force on a career. Listening to wisdom of others, I didn’t want life to pass me by and have “only” my career and spouse at the end of my life. I eased up on the career, but now find myself trying to figure out how to use my time. Bored. Lonely. My path is shaped by God’s hand, I know. I also believe I am responsible for my choices. Not sure what this “freedom” and excess of time is supposed to be for. Or how to commit 100% to the mundane without munchkins or being super-involved in work.
    — What would you tell yourself 5 to 10 years ago? I want to live well and react wisely along this path. What hindsight have you gained?
    Thank you for sharing your journey so those of us feeling isolated could feel affirmed. Finally.

      • I appreciate your candid responses to my questions. I’m encouraged and definitely think on them. We have one foot in the world of “someday kids” and the other foot in “THIS is it”. I am trying to living fully in both/or as IS… and plan for what either may hold. Yeah, how well does THAT work? It’s like stuffing a suitcase full for all types of weather, “just in case.” -Gets kinda (okay, really) heavy carrying that over-prepared/over-analyzed suitcase around. I’m working on packing lightly … Thanks for the feedback.

  14. So glad to have discovered this blog. Thank you. I live in this area – are there any gatherings for women without children? I have been searching online & have found some starting some in other places, but not here yet.

  15. Hi.

    My circumstances are different. I’m a fertile woman married to an infertile man for almost 10 yrs. You say “Living a fertile life even though my body is infertile”

    My problem is “Living an infertile life even though my body is fertile”.

    I care for my husband very much and i see it as we are both infertile. My fertility is nothing when i have a partner who cannot make babies. I am close upon 40 years now.

    I hold on to my faith and belief that all this is destined.

    You can visit my blog

    http://azoospermia-cure.blogspot.com/

    • Hi Ellen…thanks for your comment. I love your statement, “I see it as we are both infertile.” That is a very mature view. Still, I know it must be difficult to be fertile knowing that you could seek alternative ways of having a family. With that said, I know for moral and ethical reasons people choose not to use those methods, and adoption is not for every one (we tried and failed twice and had to get off that rollercoaster for our own sanity). I choose not to pursue IVF because I didn’t want to create more embryos than I would use and the fact that I did not want to risk multiples beyond twins. We have to do very deep contemplation on all these things, and it does get very heavy and oppressive. Thank you for being so sensitive and committed to your partner. I will check out your blog!

  16. Thanks Vicki.

    I dislike Donor sperm and adoption. it feels strange to me and i feel i might lose my sanity with both options. I’m wondering about Donor Embryo but I’m not sure. So my alternative methods are almost zero.

    If i was to change partners the first question i ll ask the man is “what’s your sperm count?” which sounds so bizarre!!

    I feel pretty mad with this unborn child. i don’t want to jeopardise my current life, simply because of this invisible human being – this so called “baby”. i am not particularly fond of babies either. Its just that i feel my body asks for it and also this social stigma. i come from a very conventional background, so i feel incomplete without a child.

    I don’t know what the future will hold. i firmly believe that birth is the opposite of death. That is like we believe one is destined to die no matter what – one is destined to be born no matter what too. i see so many old and sick people living for very long and i also see young people dying in seconds. that’s because they are destined. i think the same is for birth.

    Anyway, i know that I’m currently living a life where i feel slightly out of control and choiceless. i dislike that feeling, but I’ll let it flow.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s